From the diary of a silent lover - College - Part 1

I still love you … and will always do …

Falling in love, being in love and at last your love becoming your life partner this is written in destiny of only few lucky people and i don’t know how much lucky i am …I was in love, I have experienced love, I loved being in love. But not everything goes as we expect and this as well din't go the way we expected, an unexpected twist and everything changed. I was not the same again, don’t know whether I would be able to be same again. What I know is that I am going to love her throughout. You might be anxious to know about this girl, whether this is same old girl about whom I mentioned in my earlier post or someone else … To all my readers, this is not about the earlier person. This story began after three odd years and this time I can say confidently ,“ Yeah !!! I was in love”. I loved her and still she lives in my thoughts... I called her Angel … she was my Angel…

Angel …What to tell about her and from where should I start.. She was simply amazing. She was a cute young girl with long hairs, chandanakuri on her forehead and always with a sweet smile on her face. She was full of energy, vibrant and always ready to help. It was quite a bit normal that any guy who meets her once would want to keep on talking to her. Her nature attracted everyone even did attract me. It started like this. I was attracted towards this girl from the day when I came in contact with her. She was different and for the first time I felt something different; I just wanted to keep on talking to her, feel her and be with her. I was like a wave of ocean which just wanted to flow towards the shore and she being my shore. She was my angel, my seventh standard girl , my little genius.

College started

From the first day we met there was something which was bringing both of us together, an unknown force or something which cant be explained in mere words. I had became popular in the first day of my class itself, reasons were quite funny and weird. My name was quite a bit different and was not usual in South India which actually led everyone to ask my name more than once, since I was born and brought up in North India and my schools being completed there even my language and slang was a bit different. So I was kind off alien in the class. Thanks to my dear friends in the class first day itself I was elected as class representative who intentionally did it. Few days had already passed in college, I too for the first time noticed her, she was standing with her friend near office on first floor of our college. Her friend and my classmate; it was her last day in the college as she was leaving college due to some personal reasons. Then certain incidences were there when I noticed this little girl. Many days passed but still we haven't had talked to one other. I too wanted to know her name; one day that moment came and for the first time I talked to her. Till now I haven’t felt any special feeling for her but yeah she was different from others and it attracted me to know about her more.

We had a function in our college, it was Onam celebration and this was the first time when we talked to each other continuously for more than an hour or two. She too was curious to know about me and I could see that curiosity that day which reflected in her eyes. She asked about me, my family and also told me about her and her family. I didn't knew she noticed me but that day i came to know that she too noticed me from day one. One funny reason which she told me that I was always in between girls. We became friends and same day we exchanged our mobile numbers too. We started to talk to each other for hours and our friendship has started to grow. We started spending time sitting together in library with each other. We liked being with each other and it became a daily routine and we started spending hours in library sitting there and gossiping. I dint knew it was the beginning … for the first time in my life i had started to feel something different which till now i had never felt and also started to give extra care to a girl which i had never given… As days passed we were getting closer to each other and our friendship was getting more stronger.

Love was in air …

She was hosteler and in our college hostel mobile phones were not allowed but she called me everyday after standing in the long queue of students. I knew the time when her call is going to come and I waited for her call everyday and due to some reasons if one day she gets late or was not able call …then it was like hell for me I get worried thinking what would have happened … why she dint called me today …etc…etc. I was changing slowly and even felt it but i wasn’t able to understand it. 

Yeah !!! you all guess it right… this normal relation from friendship had changed and was taking some different forms. Talks about our relation had already started in the class but we didn't care about it. We were busy living our so called friendship … I was always confused, earlier this silent lover was confused thinking friendship as love and now when it was love was unable to recognise it. 

Poor me … I pity on myself at times for not understanding things. We liked each others' presence, we also had started to feel that we liked each other and our relationship was more than just friendship. But we never let each other know what we felt for each other. My angel was pretty and she too had a line of guys waiting for her one yes so that they could start there love life with her … I didn't know one problem was coming for me, one of my friends at hostel had crush over her. He wanted to propose her, he knew that I was good friend of hers, so he approached me seeking help to find out whether she is interested in him. First when I heard this I smiled even-though I was not feeling happy, I accepted that will put his matter in front of her. I started thinking about my friend he was a good guy from heart and for co-incidence they both came from same place. I didn't get sleep whole night figuring out why I was not happy… 

Next day we had to go for excursion and voluntary services from our college and I was supposed to talk to angel about my friend and put up his matter in front of her. I don't know why, I was nowhere near happiness for sure but now a bit worried as well. Lot of things were going on through my mind, I was worried whether she would accept my friends request, whether she will go away from me forever. Also confused thinking why I am taking this matter seriously on myself after all she was just my friend. Bus was provided by college and we started for excursion on time from our college, we all got into the bus and seats got filled I was the last one to get into bus and there were no seats free. I kept my luggage and was standing in the bus, my friend was looking at me and I was confused what to do … I was lost somewhere suddenly someone called me …yeah she called me she showed me sign to come near her and sit by her side and adjusted with her friends so that I could get seated. It was really a wonderful journey which brought us more closer, I forgot everything about my friend, I was in some other world… I was with my angel …I didn't had time to think anything else…I was with my angel …

She was too happy and from that moment I too started living with her… She had a music player and inserted the headset into my ears and said to me … “ Ashu … hear this song … its amazing naa …”. Its wordings were like

I lie awake at night
See things in black and white
I only got you inside my mind
You know you have made me blind
I lie awake and pray
That you will look my way
I have all this longing in my heart
I knew it right from the start
Oh my pretty pretty boy
I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy you're mine
Just tell me you love me too
Oh my pretty pretty boy
I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside
Make me stay
Right beside you …

She asked me how was the song …I just said yeah it's good … I didn't gave attention to the song at that time since I was busy enjoying those beautiful moments with her… She was playing different songs and asked me about my taste in music. Even her friends and other classmates were talking to me, we had snacks packed and journey was definitely wonderful. We had arrived at our destination and the journey which I was praying in my heart should not end … had finally come to an end…

When I was out of bus again my friends matter came into my mind. The very next day told my friends matter to her she laughed …She said she is not interested, and I got huge relief with her answer … but many questions had already started to come into my mind … Why I am being sad if she goes with him ? Why I am being so much possessive for her ? Why I am thinking of so much of her ?? I had a huge relief with her answer Why i dint knew … I stopped thinking for now and decided to enjoy the excursion. We all students were assigned with voluntary service activities, day was a bit hectic but we enjoyed helping people.  Due to unavailability of next person to relieve me, my shift got a bit long and I missed my lunch in fact we both missed. We had planned that we will have our lunch together but since I was not able to join her she also didn't go even-though I asked her to go and have hers. Finally in the evening, I was relieved from my duty and we went together for food, we sat there and talked for few hours.  Second day since my friends were leaving I planned to leave along with them but angel and her friends along with other hostelers were supposed to stay for next two days, she came to send me off but I felt like she was different... she was sad …

Next day September 26, 2009 noon, I got a call on my phone, an unknown number …I heard a girl crying on the other side of the phone it was my Angel’s voice … She was crying … She asked me, “Why did you leave me alone here and went away ??? I am missing you…" After hearing this I too could not stop myself that day I proposed my angel … I said to her ,"Angel , I love you". She was silent for a moment… She didn't say anything…I was afraid… After a moment she replied, she said those magical words to me “Ashu, I love you" and she made her entrance into my life …Sept 26-27 … most memorable days of my life … Angel said to me that she loves me …Everything changed …she was mine… I was very happy … 

Love was already in air … and we had started to feel it … 

 

End of Act – 1  (Diary of silent lover)